Jun 17 2010
Sometimes We Need to Let Our Colors Out
A painting my daughter and I did as an exploration of color and imagination.
Sometimes I just want to devour my life. I want to eat it bite by little bite and savor each morsel of it. It’s so rich and delicious – even the challenging parts. I don’t always feel this way. Sometimes I feel small….tiny….like I wish there was a tiny hole in the wall like in the storybook The Night Before Christmas that I could just run in to and hide. I’ve done that – not lived in a tiny hole but lived in a cave of my own making. I built the cave when I was feeling as though I wouldn’t or couldn’t be me, I’d go there. I’d scribble on the walls. I’d splash buckets filled with paint and words all over. I’d dress myself in wild outfits and dream of sunflower fields in the sunshine.
I realize now that we all hide from time to time. The question is – is it a permanent hideout or temporary? Although I have gone back and forth – into and out of mine – I’m out now and that’s what makes me feel so alive. Don’t get me wrong…I still falter but I find when I’m creating art, I’m as me as I can be. I’ve been art journaling and altering books. Often I don’t have any clue about where a new piece will take me. I can say that I start out with a path and that I know what I will create but I don’t much like life.
Right now, I sit poised on the verge of having my second child and although I’ve “been there, done that” so to speak, it is completely unknown. I have no idea what path this child will take into the world or who they will be – that’s the exciting part. I have no idea how my life will change. I can listen to people talk about what will happen but no one really knows because this journey will be ours; another chapter and journey with my growing family.
As life changes, it makes sense that my art would change as well. It makes sense that I would change. I sometimes wonder if being pregnant with another life forces all of my own life in all its wild colors out of me into the world. I don’t know.
All I know is creating everyday – both inside and outside of my body – is doing something to me. It’s opening my world. It makes me feel connected. It makes me feel more grounded, alive and me. I’d always defined myself in one way – as a writer – but opening my world to art allows me to see just how limitless we are. We cannot define ourselves in one way because we are many, many things. And when we explore those, when we let all those parts out and ignore the critics including our inner critic we suddenly come to life. That’s where I am today.
How are you?
An e-course
BIG
Deep
Kreatives Kafe
having children changes our artwork so much – how we do it, when, what we make, how we think, when we shout out, when we hide… it is an amazing ride! can’t wait to see how #2 changes your world!
Aimee – it’s so incredibly true ….it has a huge impact on inspiration, types of inspiration, etc. I wouldn’t get off this ride for anything! I love how your munchkins effect your world!
Not yet having children, I can’t imagine how much they change you. But I can relate to not even knowing where my own life path will take me next, I wonder if that will ever go away. I don’t think it entirely will.
I try to avoid labels for everyone, myself included. I feel like it limits us. Natasha, you are a writer, but you are so much more. When I start thinking of all the things you are, an artist, a writer, a mother, a mother to be. . . I’ll just say you’re Natasha and know how many amazing things you are.
Kelsey – you just blew me way out of the water! Thank you for the kindest comment….BIG hugs to you and I 100% agree with you about labels. I always forget that I don’t like them – societal habit LOL but it’s true. I think we always wonder where our path will take us…and perhaps that wonder is good. It keeps us moving forward. Know what? When I think of Kelsey I think …amazing, talentes, bright shining light and I smile