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Emily August passed away on Wednesday, January 30th, 2007. She has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Perhaps that is what makes this so tough. She was an incredible friend to my Mom – to my family – for many, many years. She was around long before I was even a thought. As my star-filled friend, Claire said yesterday, “Emily was at every event. She was always there.” That’s just it. She was always there. It was natural to see her as family. She was more like family than some of my blood family members!

When I was younger, my brother and I used to love to visit her with our Mom because she always had treats for us. I mean great treats that kids would love, even if it was simply money to buy your own fabulous treat. As an adolescent, I came to understand that perhaps the best treat she gave to me was that she was the one person in my life that I can honestly and truthfully say never, ever judged me, ever. She treated me like I was the most special star in heaven. She had this ability to make me feel so good, and so deeply loved. She’d laugh at many of my jokes, even the ones that weren’t funny; she was my best audience. She’d listen, I mean really listen, and celebrate everything I did, even the smallest things.

The last time I saw her I was standing on the steps of my Church. I’d just gotten married and although her health was failing, she was there. She was always there. She was moving to Arizona after that; I didn’t want her to go. In the worst way, I didn’t want her to go. But there were a million people around, all prepared to celebrate; there was no time to talk and so I said goodbye. We hugged and, as always when she hugged me, she said, “Oh I just love ya.” And it was such genuine emotion; those words and that emotion seeped into my bones. Looking back there was no way to know that that would be last time I would see her. That day, my wedding day, was also the last day I saw my Grandfather alive. He died while I was on my honeymoon.

I spoke with her a few times after she left but I was selfish. It was hard to talk to her; it hurt and I didn’t want to feel that hurt. I wish I had more time to talk now. I look at the picture of her hanging in my bedroom now – I haven’t been able to look at it all day – and there is a part of me that aches….that cold, deep ache that burns your throat and tightens your chest. I’m happy for her. She’s at peace. But I selfishly hate the fact that she’s gone.

I will miss so many things about her. Look at this picture – that was her on my wedding day. Isn’t that a great smile? It was so warm, so inviting. I will miss the way she’d get excited to share something or to have you share something with her and she’d eagerly grab your hand and move in close. She had such soft hands. I will miss the way she colored everything with the most perfect little touches…the candies in the dish on her living room table, the old rotary dial phone in her bedroom, her always perfect hair, the cute red hat she would wear with her pea coat in the winter, her insistence that she walk to 59th Street to catch the bus home, the way she loved her grandchildren, the way she’d laugh. It was a polite laugh and if she thought something was really funny she’d lean back, let it loose and then regain her composure. She’d grab your arm and look at you like she was a little embarrassed to have laughed so loudly and yet loved that you shared in that fabulous moment with her. She’d make you feel like you were the only one who could make her laugh like that; you were the only one with whom she shared those moments. I will miss the way she smelled like sweet lotion and Christmas – all year round.

This is a deeply personal loss. I don’t even think these small words I’ve written here have done this special soul any justice. But I had to share her with you. I wanted you to see just a little bit of this beautiful, bright, shining soul. This woman embodied beauty. She created a place for me in life where I felt safe and truly good about myself. I am so lucky to have all the memories of her…they make me smile. I wish the hurt would go away though.  

Tell someone who means the world to you that you love them today, ok? If you knew Emily, I invite you to share or if not, I invite you to share something about a loved one. Whatever you do, just share today. Simple things like a hug, a laugh, a smile, raw, honest words can change a life and leave memories that literally last a lifetime and beyond.

Emily, to you I say, thanks for all you shared with me. Thanks for your beauty, your joy and for you. Thanks for making me feel so damn special. I thought exactly the same of you. Remember when you were my confirmation sponsor? You were so excited. I don’t know if I ever told you but I was too. Thanks for always looking out for me in every way possible. You were a gift. You will always be. Love you.

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